Eighteenth-century pirates were profit-maximizing criminals. Their infamous practices reflect strategies pirates adopted to bolster their bottom line. The “pirate code” was a system of constitutional democracy that sea dogs developed to govern themselves privately in the absence of government. The “Jolly Roger”—pirates’ black flag of skull and bones—was a signaling device that sea dogs used to facilitate the seizure of prizes without costly conflict. Pirates used heinous torture to develop a reputation that incentivized captives to acquiesce to their demands. And pirates “pressed”—or pretended to conscript—willing recruits to reduce sailors’ legal cost of joining their crews.