Agreeing to Disagree: Perspective Taking between Siblings in Separated Families

Healthy sibling relationships play a crucial role in supporting the child through the family separation and later reunification. These relationships may be important buffers against poor mental health when children are separated from members of their family and be essential in effective reunification interventions. However, siblings may view separations differently and how they manage these differences in opinion could impact the quality of the sibling relationship when family separations occur. This chapter examines this perspective taking in sibling relationships during family separations, specifically in cases of divorce or Child Protective Services (CPS) involvement. By comparing and contrasting the experiences of siblings in these two situations, the chapter explores how differing perspectives may influence the sibling relationship and potentially, later on, wellbeing and mental health. We draw on semi-structured interviews in two prior Norwegian-based studies where we explored the quality of sibling relationships: first in young people (ages 16 to 23 years) in families who have experienced parental divorce/separation (n = 23) and the second with children who have been removed from the biological home by Child Protection Services (n = 25). Three main themes arose from this comparison: first, the most salient of sibling perspectives relates to which family is our real family and views on the relational and physical proximity that should be maintained with one or other parent or family (biological versus foster). Second, children try to make sense of their different viewpoints, seeking explanations/attributions for their siblings sometimes differing viewpoints. Third, this attribution process forms part of the negotiation strategies that children employ to manage difference between their own and their siblings’ perspectives. Not being able to manage this effectively may negatively impact their relationship and mental health. We conclude the chapter with recommendations for significant adults working to maintain children’s mental health during separation and subsequent reunification events.