The Narcissist Never Leaves, Only Dies: An Autoethnographic Account Inspired by Cixous

This writing speaks to Cixous’ notions of the need for loss and reparation in relation to writing critical autoethnography. In this chapter, I share my experiences of narcissistic abuse resulting from an intimate relationship and enter into conversation with many concepts in Cixous’ (Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing, Columbia University Press, New York, 1993) the “School of the Dead” and hear Cixous when she says “writing is learning to die. It’s learning not to be afraid, in other words to live at the extremity of life, which is what the dead, death, give us” (Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing, Columbia University Press, New York, 10, 1993). Cixous (Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing, Columbia University Press, New York, 41, 1993) speaks of Clarice Lispector’s intentions of venturing where we don’t have the strength or means to venture, to the edge of our abyss to then describe it. This is my aim. What is in the depths of my experiences I wonder?