<p>In an era frequently marked by positivist approaches to public health research, contemporary epidemiology continues to center scientific inquiry while ignoring the embodied ramifications of intimate power relations. Drawing on interdisciplinary scholarship, this theoretical article critically engages with the genealogies of epidemiology to highlight the importance of queering prevailing discourse surrounding global disease containment. By interrogating epidemiology through a feminist Science and Technology Studies (fSTS) lens and abolitionist perspective, we highlight how knowledge production in public health is often entangled with systems of oppression, and how these systems (re)produce structural violence. Using COVID-19 as our case study, we question normative understandings of contagion by destabilizing the boundaries between the bio-, geo-, and necropolitical domains of disease transmission. Additionally, we explore how epidemiological approaches reinforce carceral logics that lead to the slow death of systematically-marginalized communities under techno-colonial regimes of violence. We contribute an anti-colonial and abolitionist feminist approach to epidemiology that embraces the erotics of uncertainty and situated knowledges by disrupting normative understandings of ‘contagion.’ Our goal is to destabilize and rigorously challenge the hegemonic biomedical paradigm foregrounding epidemiology, imagining instead alternative futures characterized by compassion and relational care.</p>