<p>This Terms of art examines Valhalla as a phantasmic construct that gathers fantasies of whiteness, masculinity, and militarism across political, religious, and temporal divides. Beginning with invocations of Valhalla by Director of the US Federal Bureau of Investigation Kash Patel and radio host Alex Jones in commemoration of evangelical pundit Charlie Kirk, the authors trace how this ‘banal medievalism’ operates as a portable, affective fantasy rather than a historically coherent cosmology. Turning from close readings of Old Norse texts to their historical and modern afterlives, the authors argue that Valhalla has long served as an instrument of ideological legitimation, across different political imaginaries. This piece not only illustrates how Valhalla is able to reconcile contradictory eschatologies under the sign of heroic death, but also contends that this phantasm raises pressing political and methodological questions for the field of Medieval Studies. We argue that scholars must confront, rather than correct, such medievalisms as sites where exclusionary politics and mythic longing converge.</p>