Love Languages and Attachment Styles as Folk Theories of Intimate Compatibility
摘要
In twenty-first-century North-America, intimate bonds form in a context where perceived uncertainty is increased by public discourse concerning the “fragility” of modern love and by partners’ expectations in terms of validation, support, and equal rights. For a century, therapeutic culture has promised help in reducing uncertainty and instability in intimate relationships. We contribute to the study of conceptions of relationship optimality and of the impact of therapeutic culture on intimate bonds by documenting how individuals apply ideas and tools stemming from popular psychology within everyday intimate interactions. Based on fifty interviews with Canadian adults, our analysis focuses on Chapman’s The Five Love Languages and on lay versions of attachment theory as the two approaches to intimate optimality that interviewees most frequently mentioned. Therapeutic tools facilitate benevolent interpretations of behaviour, increase the sense of intimacy, and are integrated into folk theories of intimate compatibility, i.e. sets of criteria to assess and techniques to increase the likelihood of relationship success and happiness.